??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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