I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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