He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
