Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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