you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
