i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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