wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
