White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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