I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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