AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
