how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
