He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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