After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
