you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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