Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
