This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
