So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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