kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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