We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
