The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
