Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
