So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
