: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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