I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just google imaged poop.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
