I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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