i permit you to call me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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