Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
