hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
