ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
