how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
