Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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