you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
