My entire life is one complicated drinking game
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
