I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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