Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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