i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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