I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
