His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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