Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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