I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
