god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
