I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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