Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
