and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
