my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
