i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
