yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
