White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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