WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
