I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
