we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This house was built for laser tag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
