The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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